Odd Ideas: The Plot Bunny Farm!
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: A bunch of odd plot bunnies I wrote for posterity! Might actually be developed! Latest idea:Wizard Harry Dresden gets lost in Oregon and finds himself in Eureka. Warnings: Odd pairings and crossovers. Really, REALLY odd.
1. Harry Phantom or 'Harry the Halfa'

A/N: a little idea that wouldn't go away. More narrative than dialogue. Deal with it. Spawned by fics that have Harry moving to Amity, Danny moving to Privet drive, or Danny going to Hogwarts just because he got ghost powers and is used as a war weapon. I hate the fact that if I want to search for 'Harry Phantom', I have to type 'opera' in the 'does not have' box…

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Harry Phantom or 'Harry the Halfa!'

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't sue me. Post 'Urban Jungle'. Set in summer between GoF and OoTP.

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Harry stared out the window as he tried to get comfortable in his very tight, uncomfortable economy-class seat, trying not to think about the fact that the Dursleys were sitting up in business class. He could have gotten all philosophical and asked what they heck he was doing here, but he already knew. The Dursleys were going to Visit Uncle Vernon's cousin in the United States and didn't trust him to be left in Privet drive. He'd tried suggesting that he stay with the Weasleys, but apparently asking help from freaks, as Vernon had put it, did not fit in with their plans. Despite of Harry's statements about how he'd be happier being left behind and staying with the Weasleys– or maybe _because_ of them– he now found himself on a plane to Wisconsin.

Joy.

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Harry found it slightly amusing to watch his Uncle Vernon being bear-hugged by a man even bigger than he was. His cousin Jack was very different from the straight-laced, xenophobic Dursley if the orange suit he was wearing was any indicator. He busied himself with picking up the Dursleys' luggage so that they wouldn't notice that he was snickering and trying not to laugh his head off.

"Here, let me help you with that," a voice said, and Harry looked up, finding himself looking at a pair of blue eyes. A boy his age with messy black hair was leaning over the trunk he was struggling with containing all of Dudley's clothes.

"Thanks," Harry said, and the two struggled to get the trunk on to the trolley.

"Man, what's in these things? Bricks?" the guy said.

Harry thumbed back at Dudley, who was now being hugged by Jack. "His clothes."

"And all that?" the guys said, pointing at more trunks.

"His toys and stuff," Harry answered. "I'm Harry, by the way."

"Danny," the boy said. "So, you're my cousin too?"

"Um, I'm not sure. I'm from Aunt Petunia's side of the family."

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Staying with the Fentons proved to be an unusual experience almost akin to staying with the Weasleys. Their house was some kind of headquarters, their RV was like something out of the **_Ghostbusters_**, the food was dangerous, there were explosions coming from the basement, and did we mention the fact that 'Uncle' Jack (as he'd asked to be called) and 'Aunt' Maddie were Ghost Hunters?

Harry didn't know _how_ the Dursleys managed to keep themselves from exploding with apoplexy.

Danny's friends had come later that day to meet the relatives (though Harry suspected there was more to it than that), and Dudley had quickly revealed himself as the pig he was when he'd leered at the dark-haired girl (who Harry had later learned was Sam). He'd quickly earned himself a kick to the shin, and Harry and the three took advantage of the opportunity to make themselves scarce.

"You're nothing like that, are you?" Sam had asked him.

"I can't stand the guy," Harry had answered truthfully.

The four took to hanging out together and avoiding the Dursleys as much as possible. Harry was thankful that, for appearances sake, the Dursleys couldn't order him around in front of the Fentons, allowing him and Danny to slip away. Dudley had wasn't exactly the boy's favorite cousin, especially after the thing with Sam. The trio had quickly welcomed him to their group, and they spent their time trying to figure out ways to make Dudley miserable, even if they couldn't put their plans into action.

On the third day of their stay in Amity Park, the Dursleys decided to barricade themselves in Fenton Works until they had to leave. Why? Well, it had to do with the fact that the three of them were unfortunate enough to be in the RV with Jack and Maddie when a ghost attack was reported…

After Vernon yelled himself into laryngitis about maniacs and cranks, the three locked themselves up and never stepped out. Harry and Danny then spent nearly every waking moment outside. At first, Harry had been wary, since he'd seen the ghost attack as well, but after Sam, Danny and Tucker had assured him that in the event of another attack all he had to do was duck and cover until the local superhero arrived ("Superhero?"), which then led to them explaining about Danny Phantom.

Watching the three interact, Harry was poignantly reminded of Ron, Hermione and himself…

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The reason for the Dursley's endurance of all the strangeness was explained a few days before they were to leave. Apparently, Uncle Jack had a friend who was a multi-billionaire, who Vernon wanted to get to and try and get a contract with. Needlessly to say, it didn't happen. Danny didn't seem to like the guy, although that was explained when it was mentioned in passing that Mr. Masters used to have a thing for Danny's mom. Taken with Tuckers comments on how overprotective Danny had been when screening through his absent sister's boyfriends, and Harry figured his dislike was understandable.

On the second to last day before they were to leave back for England, Harry was walking alone to meet up with Danny and the others at Sam's house to watch a movie. They'd gotten separated earlier during another one of the ghost attacks they seemed to happen to constantly be in, hence his walking alone. Fortunately, Danny had given him a Fenton Phone in case that happened, and he'd managed to contact them with it and confirm the plans.

As he approached a veritable mansion on the way to Sam's, Harry felt a small strain of wistfulness tugging at his heart. He envied Danny, having such a normal life with just the right amount of insanity to keep it from going stale. He envied his life.

"What a life," he muttered as he walked. "I wish I could be like Danny…"

Did we mention Desiree was somewhere close by?

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Even as Harry was surprised that Sam was actually loaded and the big house was hers, the wish, unknowingly made, began to take effect. Like Danny, ectoplasm became incorporated into Harry's DNA.

Like Danny, Harry suddenly had tangibility problems over the next few days…

After meeting with a strange girl who seemed to be a little _too_ needy, like Danny, Harry suddenly had someone hot for his human self (Dorathea of Aragon almost never had anyone nice to her and she was latching on to the first hot guy that was!).

And like Danny, he suddenly had a female clone named Harriet (or, as she would like to be called, Hari). Scared the heck out of Dani when she found out she wasn't sleeping alone anymore…

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Many, many weeks later… 

Hogwarts had certainly changed. For one thing, the Ministry was trying to interfere with it. For another, some weird ghost girl (weird because she was green-skinned and blonde) was constantly hanging around Harry Potter and fawning over him, driving Ginny Weasley and Moaning Myrtle into conniptions of jealousy, especially since he was always so nice to her. And for a third…

"_Where is he?_" Skulker, a technological muggle ghost from overseas cried as most students initiated the 'duck and cover' routine. Some idiots (_cough_ Crabbe and Goyle_ cough_) who still didn't get it ended up running into things (like each other) as they tried to get to cover. "_Where is the other whelp?_"

For a third, Muggle ghosts kept popping up all over the place, bullying the local ghosts and terrorizing the students.

Ron, Hermione and Ginny all knelt around Harry under the Gryffindor table, giving him a chance to phase through the floor without anyone noticing. Just a few seconds and…

A black and white blur suddenly erupted form the floor, striking Skulker in the chest with a burst of blue while he was in the middle of interrogating some poor student.

"WHELP!" Skulker cried after he finished bouncing off a wall.

A figure in a black and white outfit floated in midair, white hair and pale skin seeming to blend in with the white scarf he had wrapped around his neck and pulled up over his mouth. Glowing blue eyes glared at the hunter in annoyance as a blue glow surrounded his hands. "You know Skulker, it's getting annoying getting called that. Really, can't you think of anything more original? Better yet, why don't you go back over the Atlantic and bother my cousin? Seriously, this stalking is getting disturbing."

People risked peeking out form under the tables and applauded as Hogwart's newest hero faced off against it's newest annoyance. Some people began waving banners, flags and handkerchiefs that had his symbol, a stylized H and a P separated by a lightning bolt, emblazoned on it, while Draco Malfoy began cheering his lungs out for his hero.

"GO PHANTOM!" the Slytherin yelled. "KICK HIS ARSE!"

The being known only as the Phantom (after his introduction of "I am… The Phantom! And I hate opera!") twitched as the blond spoke, but proceeded to duke it out with the teched-up ghost, finally managing to use the strange cylindrical object he carried to capture the invader, disappearing to loud cheers just as one of the new ghosts– a blue-skinned, blue-haired woman with a flame-themed guitar– finally appeared in a burst of rock music.

"Darn! Missed him again!" she said in annoyance, before turning to the nearby Malfoy. "Did you see which way he went this time?"

Malfoy nodded. "He when that way, Miss Mclain!" he said, pointing.

"It's EMBER, dipstick! Get it right!" she swore, flying quickly in the indicated direction. "Oh, _Phhhhhannn-tooooooommm hoooonnnneeeeeeyyyyyy………_"

Just another day in Hogwarts. You could almost forget Voldemort was out there somewhere…

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"And STAY IN THERE!" Harry cried as he thrust Skulker violently into the portal hidden in the Chamber of Secrets. Apparently, the reason the chamber was such a secret was that, besides that basilisk, Salazaar Slytherin didn't want anyone finding out about the portal to the Ghost Zone he'd accidentally opened while drunk.

"Just what exactly are the chances of that?" Hermione asked as she, Ron, Ginny and Dorathea (as Harry always called her, since she seemed to like it so much), waltzed in, followed by a couple of Hogwart's regular ghosts.

"Zero," Harry Potter, a.k.a. HP, a.k.a. Harry Phantom, a.k.a. the Phantom said as he pulled down his scarf, his scar still covered by his wild white hair. "He never listens. I hope he stays in Amity and bugs Danny for a few days, though. Not getting to finish dinner is getting tiring."

"Oh, my aching neck," Nearly-Headless Nick moaned, rubbing his little sliver of flesh. "Why does that hooligan treat me so?"

"He probably wants the worlds only improperly decapitated ghost," Hermione suggested reasonably, giving Harry a once over, checking for injuries. "Are you okay?"

"Standard question, Hermione?" Harry said, amused as he pulled off the scarf and tied it around his waist like a sash. "I'm fine. Plus, I just discovered something really cool. _Lumos!_"

At this, his hand began to glow.

"Apparently, I can do spells without a wand when I'm a ghost," Harry explained, grinning widely. "I think the ectoplasm in my body acts as a focus the way my wand does."

"Wciked!" Ron said as she stepped closer to examine the light.

Hermione, meanwhile, was feverishly taking notes. "I've got to get that mailed to Jazz. She, Tucker and I have been making so much progress comparing yours and Danny's powers! I think I've finally managed to formulate a solid theory on the differences between muggle and magical ghosts!"

"Oh?" Harry said, extinguishing the light as two green rings appeared around him, changing him back to his normal human form.

Hermione nodded. "My theory is that when wizards and witches die, their magic somehow anchors most of the energy field that later metamorphoses into ectoplasm, allowing only a small amount of ectoplasm to be produced, thus producing the faint, silvery ghosts we know. Muggles, lacking this magic, are able to completely change into ectoplasmic entities, becoming much, much more powerful ghosts. Ironic, how non-magical beings are more powerful than magical beings in death than in life."

"How does that affect me?" Harry asked, his curiosity over his condition coming to the fore.

"Well, since your ectoplasm manifested without death, it was not affected by your magic. That's probably the reason Skulker is so set on you. You're truly unique!" Hermione gushed.

"Stupid Desiree," Harry muttered. "This is all her fault."

"Phantom honey!"

Harry was barely able to blink before he was suddenly glomped by an ecstatic Ember. Ginny and Myrtle twitched some more as Dorathea looked like she might turn into a dragon.

"Hello Ember," Harry deadpanned.

Hermione sighed, shaking her head in amusement. "See, that's what you get when you save everyone you come across."

"I thought she was in danger!"

"Harry, she had blue skin and set off your ghost sense. You really should have known better."

Ember ignored them, snuggling against her 'honey'. Too bad he wasn't Phantom right then. He was so much cuter as Phantom…

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**- To be continued someday…(highly unlikely)**

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A/N: Because I have yet to find a Halfa!Harry fic.

And now, the exposition: when Harry wished he could be 'like Danny', he obviously didn't realize what that entailed. For the purposes of the concept, the wish gave him a parallel of what Danny had, instead of giving him Danny's life like how some fics would do it.

That means people suddenly having parallel roles.

Hermione is the counter part of Jazz.

Ron is the counter part of Tucker (only without the technical know-how).

Ginny is the counter part of Sam (for obvious reasons, whether or not you're pro- or anti-Ginny).

Dora is the counter part of Valerie (in the sense she likes his human half).

Ember is the counter part of Paulina (ghost half. He rescued her as Phantom– how she ended up in Britain is a mystery– and the wish decided she was good for the role).

Malfoy is the counter part of Dash (who saw that coming?).

Hariet (Hari) is the counter part of Dani (Danielle). She was created by the wish and has false memories of being cloned.

The wish is a work in progress, so it will change people over time, creating parallels as it goes. Voldemort might suddenly reveal he developed ghost-powers during one of his old experiments but it required the resurrection ceremony to manifest, for example…

Am toying with the idea of a Halfa!Snape, as I'm a fan of **Esme Kali Phantom**'s **_Spirit_** Quintology and like the idea of Snape being Lancer's parallel. It'll make for an interesting 'Half-Blood Prince'…

This is very unlikely to be continued, but I like the plot bunny, so I wrote it for posterity's sake…

Please review, C&C welcome. On a side note, I have lots of new fanart listed on my profile page. Check it out!

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. The Dark Lord of Hinata House

A/N: Another insane plot bunny that needed to be let out so it could die with dignity. This is the result of my spanking nice new volume of **_Love Hina_**. Ema is cute!

Voldemort uses unusual means to get what he wants. Set during Half-Blood Prince and pretty much explains what he was doing at the time…

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'The Dark Lord of Hinata Sou' or 'Voldemort the Ronin'

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, this would really happen.

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Dark Lord Voldemort, a.k.a. You-Know-Who, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, The-Man-Formerly-Known-As-Tom-Riddle…

…was currently wondering what he'd gotten himself into. Again.

Though he wasn't a seer, he saw, with the absolute clarity that comes with perfect knowledge, the exact moment the insanity began. Simply put, his current landlord tripped on a perfectly flat, level, clear patch of floor.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"OOPS!"

It took all of Voldemort's considerable life experience, dueling nerves and the newer strength he developed in his stay in this madhouse– more the latter than the other two– to keep from going for his wand, Apparating somewhere safer– like the heart of an active volcano– or just snapping, going back to his Death Eaters and hiding under his blankets as his landlord's admittedly beautiful, red-headed, and _slightly_ violent wife charged at her klutzy, bespectacled, looks-disturbingly-like-Potter husband in a fit of _loving_ rage as he somehow managed to pull of her dress and bra. Considering her dress wasn't a button-up and had very secure shoulders, that was certainly something.

"**GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE PERVERT!**"

"**SOMBODY HELP ME!**"

The call was futile as the other residents, much, much more experienced at these sorts of things– they'd apparently been having them since their landlord first set foot on the grounds of the boarding house–made themselves scarce. Well, the freckled girl with the glasses did, looking about as freaked out as he felt. The others… did what they did.

Voldemort watched impassively as the law student proceeded to use perfect sword technique to cut the table in half as she tried to aim for the landlord– without a sword, he might add– the two blondes tandem kicked the man into the ground, and the mechanized robot turtle– version 35.02, according to the tag– let loose a barrage of missiles.

It was just a perfectly normal evening meal at his place of residence.

"Watermelon, Tom-kun?"

Voldemort, going by his birth name of Tom Riddle, barely twitched at the once-reviled name as he turned to the smiling woman offering him the juicy slice of fruit, seemingly oblivious to the chaos around her, except for the occasional exclamation of "Oh me, oh my!". "Oh, thank you, Mutsumi-san," he said, accepting the offered fruit– it was very good watermelon, after all; Mutsumi had a knack for picking the best– and calmly beginning to eat it with a fork. Ema was shaking her head.

"This is so not normal," she muttered.

Voldemort had to resist the urge to part her shoulder comfortingly as he found himself fondly looking back at the near-misses of Aurors and the Order of the Phoenix's attempts to kill him…

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It all began with a ridiculous rumor about the existence of a 'magical' girls dormitory in Japan that, apparently, was the site of not one but two powerful magics. One was the annex house, which could reputedly cause two people to marry if they spent a night there, regardless of gender, likes, dislikes and other loves. It was so bad that the Japanese magical associations used to use it to punish wrongdoers by making them marry their worse enemy– until it got so dangerous that even they realized that it was cruel and unusual punishment.

A little research showed that the annex was since been destroyed, it's powers with it– someone actually managed to break it's spell!– but that was all right. Voldemort didn't need it anyway.

The other one, however…

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"A special kind of magic the helps makes ones dreams come true, provided that one never gives up, no matter how hard it gets?" Voldemort said sarcastically enough that he was able to cover up his incredulousness. "That sounds like something Dumbledore would say."

The poor unfortunate Death Eater before him seemed to shrink into his robes. "Forgive me master, that that is all that could be found about the powers of the area."

"Power to make dreams come true, and a bunch of Muggles are using it to get into a university," Voldemort muttered. "Have you told anyone else about this research, or the location of the power?"

"No, my lord."

"Good. _OBLIVIATE!_"

Hey, good researchers are hard to come by!

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"I should have known better than to try and use any magic that sounded like Dumbledore had anything to do with it," Voldemort muttered as he leaned back in the pool of water. The nicest things about the Hinata Sou were the hotsprings and Shinobu's cooking…

He woke up about an hour later in time to see Keitaro getting ready to enter. "Oh, (BLEEP)!" he cried, and began scrambling for the dressing room. While the hotsprings of the former girls dorm turned boarding house weren't segregated, things tended to turn very violent whenever the landlord got into the water.

"Oh, hello Tom. Done?" Keitaro asked.

"Oh, yes," Voldemort said, his years of acting like a nice guy still holding him in good stead. "However, it's getting very late, and I have some reports I need to look over. Enjoy your dip, Keitaro-san."

Ten minutes later, Voldemort, up in his room on the far side of the building from the hot springs were he was boarded, pretending to be a small-time executive on a relaxation retreat– relaxation: **_HA!_**– sighed as he heard the cry of "BOULDER CUTTING BLADE!", the sound of missiles going off, and the distinct whistle of Keitaro flying through the air.

If nothing else, this trip at least had given him a lead on a possible source of invulnerability. Keitaro's blood was going into his next experiment!

Looking back down on the reports from England, Voldemort went back to planning his assault. After all, the magic needed hard work, and he'd spent too much time here and risked too much of his sanity to give up now. He would get into Tokyo U, damn it!

…

Um, that is, he would take over the magical world and kill all muggles!

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**ENDING 1**

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Almost a year later… 

When Dumbledore and Harry got back from their Horcrux chase, they were surprised and horrified to see the Dark Mark hovering over Hogwarts, and immediately rushed back, fearing the worst. In their haste, they missed the fact that it look a bit… different. Seriously, since when did the Dark Mark's image include a smiling turtle?

When they arrived, however, they were in for a surprise. A handsome man who was vaguely recognizable as Voldemort was sitting at a table in the front lawn, accompanied by a host of Death Eaters as he began to cut… a watermelon? A dark-haired woman with a red ribbon in her hair sat next to him. Across from them, the Aurors and Order members at Hogwarts, along with a few older students, were holding themselves ready, vastly outnumbered. Professor McGonagall was in the lead, and she looked relieved to see Dumbledore.

"Tom?" the Headmaster said in surprise, recognizing his old student as Harry gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, professor! Welcome! Would you like a watermelon?" Voldemort said, smiling brightly.

"Ah, no thank you Tom," Dumbldore said, completely weirded out. Everyone else got a weird sense of déjà vu as they thought of Sherbet Lemons. "Why are you here?"

"Ah, well, I'm here to announce that I've decided to stop being a Dark Lord, and am leaving the Wizarding world forever," Voldemort said cheerfully.

There was a beat. Then everyone suddenly yelled, "**_WHAT?_**" Apparently, even the Death Eaters hadn't known about this.

Voldemort nodded as if he was completely oblivious to the fact he'd dropped a nuclear bomb– actually, it was closer to a Death Star. "Yes. You see, I've decided I wanted to do something different with my life, so I'm quitting the dark Lord business and changing my name back to Tom Riddle."

At this astonishing news– the Dark Lord's real name was Tom Riddle? Shocking!– one of the senior Aurors stepped forward. He'd once been a Gryffindor, which explained why he was crazy enough to do what he did next. "In that case, Tom Riddle, I hereby place you under arrest!"

As the Death Eater's, still confused by events, tried to determine if they should do anything, Voldemort–er, Tom– said, "Um, I'm afraid you can't. you see, I have diplomatic immunity."

Blinks all around.

"_DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY?_" everyone chorused.

Tom nodded as the woman next to him ate her watermelon. It was very good watermelon, after all. "I'm afraid as a duly appointed representative of the kingdom of Molmol, I have diplomatic immunity against prosecution."

Harry stared. "Molmol?"

"It's an island kingdom close to the international dateline," Dumbledore clarified.

Tom clapped his hands. "Well, I suppose that's everything. See you all around. Kanako-chan?"

The woman rose, freaking everyone out as she suddenly glomped on to Tom. "We going, _oni-chan_?" she said sultrily.

"Wait!" a random Death Eater (actually the same one he obliviated) said, and Tom paused. "My lord, what about us? And… who's the babe?"

To the absolute shock of everyone, Tom blushed. "Um, this is Kanako Urashima. My… fiancée."

Harry couldn't take it anymore. He fainted.

"Oh, and as for the rest of you … I'm afraid that since there were no openings, I couldn't get any immutniy for the rest of you. But hey, at least Azkaban isn't so bad anymore, since the Dementors are gone!" Tom said.

As one, the Death Eater's twitched.

"And where are _you_ going, Tom?" Dumbledore said, smiling as he fingered his wand and eyed the suddenly mutinous Death Eaters.

Tom grinned widely. "I'm going to Tokyo U!"

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_Tom and Kanako barely escaped with their lives as the Death Eaters rioted. Everyone was arrested, and Snape did or did not die, depending on whether you're a fan. _

_After three weeks, Harry eventually stopped screaming about the injustice of Voldemort getting a fiancée. _

_Dumbledore lived, and was a part of a commission to study whether or not they should go to war with Molmol just so that they could get Voldemort. Estimates predict they'll be done deciding in about fifty years. Su is building up her Mecha Tama army in the meantime._

_Tom got into Tokyo U on his third try and went into marketing. He married Kanako, and together they help run the Hinata boarding house. Dumbledore eventually tracked him down and they shared some watermelon and sherbet lemons._

_Keitaro is still a klutz_

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**ENDING 2**

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Almost a year later… 

"Go, my minions! For the glory of the Dark Lord Voldemort!" the woman in the dark outfit cried as the mecha army swept through the ranks of Aurors, Order members, and militia volunteers. "Resistance is futile! None can resist the might of the Hinata Side!"

Keitaro sweatdropped. "She's really getting into this, isn't she?" he said, looking at his brother-in-law.

Voldemort nodded. "That's why she's my general. People take one look at her and either get jealous, get hard, or get the heck out of dodge. Besides, she likes it."

Next to them, self-declared martian Chao Lingshen grinned down at their armies. Giant Tama-chan's, Chachamaru production models and Tanaka-san robots marched, their stripper beams more than enough to rob their opponents of their clothes, dignities and wands, and making them run for the hills.

Off to the side, Naru, Kanako, Su and Sarah were splitting up the world, deciding on who got what, while Mutsumi helped Shinobu with dinner. Motoko stood ominously in the background, her sword ready.

After a while, there was a slight change in the flow of battle. "Looks like they're finally adapting to our tactics," Satomi Hakase said, looking up from her readings. "Should I activate phase 2?"

"By all means," Voldemort said, before going back to reading the 'Evil Overlord List'. Su was right, it _was_ necessary reading.

Women took one look at the next wave and ran screaming. The newest wave the pinnacle of cloning technology. You could beat on it, cut at it, stomp on it, throw it off a cliff, and it still got back up for more. Women ran from it, and men didn't take it too seriously because they secretly wanted to the clones to get at the women.

The Keitaro Clones were coming.

Back in Japan, Ema looked around the headquarters of the new world order, a.k.a., Hinata house. "Where is everyone? Don't they know the mock exams are coming up?"

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**- …hmm, maybe that wasn't such a good idea…**

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A/N: ah, Akamatsu crack. Best crack in the world…

Come one, be honest. Haven't you ever wanted to take over the world with an army of Mecha Tamas?

I might do one where Voldemort gets the Evangeline treatment. Seriously, getting turned into a perpetual student as punishment when he fails to kill Harry? Can you just picture that?

Naru-Kei **FOREVER!**

As for Voldie and Kanako, Tom looks like Harry, who looks like Keitaro (she never really got over her brother-complex…). And she'd probably call him oni-chan just to be kinky…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	3. Robin, Master of the Keyblade!

A/N: Because it wouldn't leave me alone!

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Robin, Master of the Keyblade!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I don't own, please don't sue. To canon and continuity buffs of both series, please have mercy! This is based on the KH manga, done in my patent pending 'cram-only-the-important-bits' style…

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It all began in the Batcave, with a rather unobtrusive door set in the rocks…

A child, yearning for more, opened the way…

_THIS_ is why Batman hates magic!

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The unnatural darkness shrouded Gotham, making noon night as Robin flew through the air, on the look out for trouble. Well, more trouble than usual. People were rioting below, and it was his job to help get it in control. And while it was never fun, he definitely had experience in this, unfortunately.

Then things started getting weird at street level as what looked like little black puddles started oozing up into small, vaguely humanoid-shaped beings with glowing yellow eyes. The riots turned into chaos as the creatures started attacking bystanders. He watched in horror as they pounced on the helpless civilians, seeing small flashes of light just before a person disappeared. Without hesitation, he dropped down to ground level, drawing his staff and engaging…

He could hear Oracle in his ear as he tried his best to strike at the little monsters. It was hit and miss, mostly miss. His weapon seemed to have no effect on them most of the time, requiring he expend some of his more dangerous gadgets then, after using up those, get creative with parked cars, trash cans and anything else. Other times, all it would take was one touch to dissolve and destroy them. It was frustrating.

After what seemed like an eternity, he heard Batman ordering everyone to fall back, and he sought to make his way out of the throng, using his grapnel line to head for higher ground. To his dismay, the shadow-like beings followed, seeming to flow up the walls after him…

And standing there, as if waiting for him, was Spoiler. Stephanie.

Her mask was off, her cloak fluttering in the unnatural, storm-like wind, a strange expression on her face.

"Steph?" Robin said, surprised at her presence. What was she doing here?

He drew back suddenly as darkness seemed to crackle like lightning under her feet, although she didn't seem to notice. Instead, she held out her hand.

"Tim," she said as the darkness seemed to rise, beginning to enshroud her. "Come with me…"

Robin tried to move back, away from this _thing_ that wore Stephanie's face, but found he couldn't. He stared down in horror, realizing that the black shadow-creatures had swarmed over his feet and legs, holding him in place, fusing together into an inky, chilling blackness.

Stephanie seemed to giggle at the fear in his eyes. "Don't worry. The others are coming." Her twisted smile widened. "Don't fear the Darkness, Robin. After all, it is our domain…"

And then he was falling…

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Robin stood in the Bat-cave, having no idea how he'd gotten there. All he remembered was being smothered, then a little glimpse of light, and then suddenly he was here. He looked around wildly, but could see no glowing yellow eyes in the dark, only the winking LEDs of the computer systems…

A small noise. He followed it, seeking answers…

… And found Cassandra, staring at a door set in the rocks that he had never noticed before. It had no knob, or anything else that could open it, seemingly a part of the wall itself.

"Cass?" he said, confused.

She turned towards him, not noticing the dull glow that suddenly emanated from the door behind her. "Tim…"

An outline of a keyhole appeared, for the briefest of instants…

An explosion of darkness, sending Batgirl hurtling towards him. He tried to catch her, but she suddenly disappeared, like a soap bubble in a storm. And then the darkness was around him again, ensnaring him, drowning him in oblivion. He cried out, instinct getting the better of training…

_Don't be afraid,_ a voice suddenly said. Something in his right hand began to glow and the darkness drew back, even as the light got brighter.

_You possess the strongest weapon in the world…_

It looked like a key, but was obviously a sword, with a small chain on the butt leading to three connected circles.

_The Keyblade…_

_The power within you._

Robin blinked. "Keyblade…?"

Suddenly, the world around him seemed to shatter.

----------------------------------------

It was huge. Monstrous. Ripped like Bane, it was like one of those little things had a growth spurt and given a liter of Venom to boot. Grasping tendrils on it's head passed as hair, while in it's chest was a hole in the shape of a heart…

And the weapon in his hand tore through it. Completely.

A moment to savor the victory… and them the world was destroyed around him…

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_An eternity later…_

"Hey, wake up Tim," the easy, impossible voice said as the Heartless disappeared from his back. He whirled, not daring to believe it, even as the blade she held disappeared.

"No way…" he whispered.

Stephanie Brown smiled easily at him, wearing her Spoiler colors if not the outfit itself. "It took forever to find you, Tim."

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"**You see? It's just as I told you.**"

Stephanie gazed down on her boyfriend, darkness in her heart…

"**While you toiled away trying to find your dear friends, he simply replaced you with some new companions.**"

She grit her teeth together 'til it hurt…

"**Evidently, he values them far more than he does you, now.**"

Her heart cried denial. Her darkness was deaf to it's pleas.

Maleficent smiled. "**You're better off without that wretched boy.**" She placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "**Now, think no more of him and come with me. I'll help you find what you're searching for…**"

Together, they went…

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Robin stared at the last person he'd have expected to find in Monstro's belly. "Steph!-?-! What the heck are you doing!-?-!"

The girl frowned as she took Pinocchio out of the mouth-cage of the Heartless. "I was about to ask you the same thing, _Robin,_" she snapped bitterly. "You only seem interested in running around and showing off that Keyblade these days. " A smirk. "I didn't know you were a man-whore." Glare. "Do you even _want_ to save Cass?"

"Who is more important to you? This puppet or Cassandra?"

----------------------------------------

Robin glared at the Heartless, his Keyblade poised to strike, his heart in turmoil.

_Why, Steph? What happened to you?_

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Stephanie stared down at the sleeping, corpse-like form of her best friend. She ignored the presence that just seemed to appear behind her, focusing on the girl in front.

"**What did I tell you?**" Maleficent said. "**You can't trust that boy anymore. What a pity…**"

Steph said nothing, her hand aching for the now-familiar feel of the Soul Eater. The witch next to her gazed at her smugly.

"**If she doesn't get back her lost Heart, she'll never wake up. She'll sleep like a doll… forever.**"

A tightening of a fist, a strange longing for an ache in her ribs from a punch. "I'll do anything to save her."

"**There is a way you can do it…**" Maleficent said smoothly. "**There are seven maidens of the purest Heart. We call them the Princesses of Heart. Gather them together… and a door will open to the Heart of All Worlds, wherein lies untold wisdom. There, you will surely find a way to recover Cassandra's Heart. **"

A beat. "Where can we find these 'Princesses of Heart'?"

A small smile. "**I shall tell you. But first, to aid you, I shall bestow upon you a marvelous gift… the power to control the Heartless.**"

Stephanie just nodded impassively, staring down at her friend.

_Soon, Cassie. Soon. I swear I'll get you your Heart back. This time… it'll be me saving you…_

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Robin tried to struggle against the two Heartless holding him in place, keeping him from reaching any of his weapons, much less the Keyblade. "Donald! Goofy! Where did you take them?"

"Are they that important to you?" a voice said, chilling in it's familiarity. "More important than _old_ _girlfriends_?"

Robin's head snapped up. "Steph? It was you?"

"Some detective," Stephanie said contemptuously. "Instead of worrying about _them_, you should be asking about _her._"

A gesture to the side, and Robin noticed the body lying on the deck of the pirate ship. "**_Cassie!_**"

…

"Steph, why are you siding with the Heartless?"

A cold smile. "The Heartless obey _me_ now, Robin. Now, I have nothing to fear."

"**You're crazy!** Sooner or later, they'll swallow your Heart!"

"Not a chance. My Heart's too strong. Just watch." A negligent wave. "I've picked up a few other things as well. Like _this_, for instance."

Robin's shadow rose…

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Stephanie fell to the ground on her knees, gasping for breath. Her chest- her _Heart_- ached…

"**It was reckless to bring her here without at least a vehicle,**" Maleficent said, ignoring her apprentice's labored breathing. "**Remember, relying too heavily on the dark powers could cost you your Heart.**"

Huff. "Shut up…" Stephanie said weakly.

There was a distant roar. Stephanie looked up, puzzled.

"**A castaway,**" Maleficent said, hearing the sound as well. "**Though his world perished, his Heart did not.**" A smile. "**When we took away the Princess from his castle, he apparently followed her here through shear force of will.**"

Stephanie couldn't help but think, _Good for him…_

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Robin, Donald, and Goofy stared, gawking at the figure before them. "Maleficent… disappeared."

Robin narrowed his eyes. "You're not Steph. _Who are you?-!_"

The figure sneered, spreading her arms, the darkly twisted parody of a Keyblade in her hands. "It is I, Ansem…

"… the Seeker of Darkness!"

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Robin fell.

_This feels_… _familiar_…

"So, you have awakened at last, Princess," Ansem said, looking down at the girl. He turned to the machine behind him. "The Keyhole is now complete. You have served your purpose. But now it's over."

Cassandra, Donald and Goofy prepared themselves, ready to face the end.

"NO!"

Ansem stopped as Stephanie flickered into being, keeping him back. "You won't use me for this!" she cried. Stephanie gazed at Cassandra pleadingly. "You've got to get out of here! Run! The Heartless are coming!"

Cassandra paused, undecided. Donald tugged at her, pulling her away, her gaze never leaving her friend…

"I'm surprised you still had it in you to fight," Ansem said. "But you're not getting your body back.

"Go back to your Darkness."

----------------------------------------

"The Darkness is raging deep inside," Belle said as the other Princesses gathered. "We've been holding it back, but we can't hold out much longer! We can't do it on our own!"

"We must seal the Keyhole."

"But… the Keybearer is no longer…"

_Click_. "No longer what?" Robin said, Keyblade in hand. Behind him strode Donald, Goofy and Batgirl. "I'm right here!

"And I'm the only one who can stop it!"

----------------------------------------

Robin strode towards the lonely door, his three friends following behind.

_Be careful._

He blinked, but otherwise didn't react to the voice.

_Beyond, there is no Light to protect you._

He reached forward, grabbing the knobs…

_But don't be afraid. Your Heart is the mightiest weapon of all._

"Here we go," he said, pulling them open…

_Remember, you are the one who will open the door to the Light._

----------------------------------------

Robin stared. He couldn't help it. "This is…"

After so long, the cold wind, starry skies and darkness was almost foreign.

"This is Gotham!"

"This world has been connected…"

They followed the voice.

"Tied to the Darkness… soon to be completely eclipsed."

They came to a building as the stars seemed to die.

"There is so very much to learn"

Pavement cracked below. No one cared.

"You understand so little. A meaningless effort. One who knows nothing… can understand nothing.''

A blonde figure, her back to them, staring out over the city…

"Steph…?" Cassandra whispered, before her face darkened in rage. "Not Steph."

"Take a look at this place. To the Heart seeking freedom, this is a prison."

A shimmer.

"And so this girl sought escape from her prison. She sought a way to be more than she was, crossing over into other worlds… and opened her Heart to Darkness."

Ansem stood before them.

"Your voices can no longer reach her. Her Heart belongs again to Darkness. All Worlds begin in Darkness, and all so end.…"

Robin felt a sense of déjà vu as the world began to crack around them…

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"Close the Door!"

"It won't budge!"

Robin, Batgirl, Donald and Goofy strained to force the enormous doors shut. They could hear the Heartless clamoring on the other side…

"Don't give up!" a voice cried.

Tim and Cassandra's hearts skipped a beat.

On the other side of the Door, Stephanie grinned at them, smile free of Ansem's taint. "Come on Tim, Cass! Together, we can do it!

An infinite moment as the Doors swung shut.

"Tim…Cass…"

"Take care."

----------------------------------------

Cassandra stared up at the sky, hearing the cries of the people below at the shower of lights, ignoring Oracle's exclamations over her comm.

"The Worlds… all returning…" she whispered.

----------------------------------------

"Well, _now_ what do we do?" Robin said. "We've gotta find Steph and King Mickey."

Blink. "Hey… that dog…"

"PLUTO!" Donald cried. "Where have you been?"

Pluto turned towards them. An envelope was in his mouth.

"HEY!" Donald exclaimed. "That's the King's Seal!"

Pluto turned and ran.

"Hey!" Donald cried for the third time as they gave chase. "Hey, wait!!! HEY!!!"

_Remember, Tim. You are the one who will open the door to the Light._

----------------------------------------

**- To be continued...(again, highly unlikely)**

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A/N: I think it's safe to say that's the first "comics Robin as the Keybearer" fic ever.

I originally wanted to use Greta as the Princess of Heart, but really couldn't make it work, so Cassandra got the job. After all, you only need a heart without Darkness. It never said anything about never having killed…

Oh, and unlike a lot of people, I have nothing against Spoiler/Stephanie. The reason I made her the Riku-clone is because I like them both! Riku, while arguably not as powerful as Sora (in 'Chain of Memories', it can be argued that Sora is more powerful because he's more customizable), definitely has cooler powers. **_DARK BREAK!_**

I figure the DC-verse exists in a universe-sized crack between the Realms of Light and Dark, kinda like Twilight Town. With that reasoning, the Source Wall is a barrier against the Realm of Darkness, where exists Kingdom Hearts ('The Source') and holds the Anti-Life Equation.

Speaking of which, who would win in a fight, Xehanort, Darkseid, Maleficent, or Xemnas? Would Batman/Maleficent work out? Joker/Maleficent? Nightwing/Axel? (Yeah, it's yaoi and not my style, but it's reasonable! Nightwing and redheads, remember?)

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**OMAKE: 'SIMPLE AND CLEAN' or 'Batman versus the Dimensional Witch!'**

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Batman glared at the witch. "I have to do **_WHAT?_**"

Yuuko shrugged one elegant, bare shoulder dismissively, her teasing smile a disturbing cross between the Joker's and Catwoman's. "Well, if you really want to get your protégés back…"

Batman glared at her some more.

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In a darkened nightclub– actually Warriors after a quick redecoration– a man in a black suit stood in front of a microphone, not letting any of his nervousness or anything else he felt show. In the dark, he could clearly see Yuuko's smile. As well as Clark's, Diana's, Dick's, Wally's…

Taking a deep breath, he cursed Yuuko's name, condemned Zatanna and Blood for getting him involved with her, and hoped Robin, Spoiler and Batgirl appreciated this… and never heard of it.

"_When you walk away, you don't hear me say 'please, oh baby, don't go',_" he sang, barely managing not to grit his teeth. "_Simple and clean is the way that you're makin' me feel tonight, it's hard to let it go…_"

Oracle and Alfred cackled evilly as they recorded the performance. Bruce was never going to live this down. Maybe they'd send a DVD to Arkham…

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**END**

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Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	4. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Sam!

A/N: originally inspired by **skyechan**'s– of deviantart– drawing of Sam in an interesting outfit…

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Bishojo Senshi Sailor Sam! Or 'Well… Least The Boots And Glaive Are Cool.'

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman, Sailor Moon and co. to Naoko Takeuchi. Sailor Sam is **skyechan**'s, who let me do it. The pic can be found at: http:// www . deviantart . com / deviation / 24005869 /. Also partially influenced by the same artist's "Clockwork Is…" piece.

Set in a hypothetical "Return of Pariah Dark in Another Take Over the Human World Bid" setting.

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"SATURN, PLANET POWER, MAKE UP! "

Danny, Tucker, Dani, Vlad, Valerie and the Fentons all stared as Sam became surrounded by light, her clothes falling away as–

"ALL RIGHT, ALL OF YOU, TURN AROUND NOW!" Jazz yelled at the guys as Dani, Maddie and Valerie suddenly directed glares and ecto-weaponry/blasts their way. They all had the decency to blush, even Vlad, and promptly turned around and went back to beating on Pariah Dark's forces, studiously ignoring the light show that was going on behind them, although Danny took a _tad_ longer than the others. He knew what _he'd_ be dreaming about for the next little while!

A little later… 

"Silence Glaive Surprise!" Sam yelled for the last time, blasting away all opposition and sending Dark flying up and over in a neat little arc right into his little coffin, the lid conveniently slamming down and hitting him on the head, putting him to sleep, hopefully for another millennium or so.

Everyone stared at her, slack-jawed.

Danny finally found his voice. "Is she… in a _mini-skirt_?-!-?"

"… yeah," Tucker said, not really believing it either.

Sam finally looked down at herself, sweatdropping as she realized what she had on. "Well… least the boots and glaive are cool. Could do without the bows and frills, though."

Dani stomped her foot a tad petulantly. "Why can't _I_ wear something like that?"

"**_NO!!!_**" Danny and Vlad chorused. "As your DNA-donor brother/ dead-beat dad, I absolutely **_forbid_** you from wearing an outfit like that!"

"Do you _want_ a nude transformation scene?" Jazz added.

Sam suddenly blushed as the guys studiously avoided looking at her. Danny discreetly made sure he didn't have a nosebleed. "N-nude?"

In his lair, Clockwork looked at his viewing-thing and twitched. Quickly, he grabbed the phone and hit 9 on his speed-dial. "Hello, Setsuna? I've got another one of your girls here… Mamoru Plasmius? How did _that _happen? Okay, we'll clean up and trade. Be seein' you." Click.

The Ghost sighed. "Harry the Halfa, Static Shock Tucker, Princess Sam of Clow Country, Kryptonian Danny, Tuxedo Mask Vlad… what next?"

Immediately, there was an alarm as the system detected a 'Jazz Fenton, genin shinobi and host of the nine-tailed Phantom Beast', an 'Ember Cowell, host of Ghost Idol', and a 'Phantom, The Last Ghost Bender.'

Clockwork let his head droop down and slam on the control panel. "Damned fanfic authors… damned Crystal Mage… damned bunny farm…"

Sam Manson, Queen of Games…

Fright Knight and the Masters of the Universe…

Dani 10…

Phantom Thief Danny…

The Grim Adventures of Spectra and Bertrand…

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**- Dead to the worlds… or is it?**

----------------------------------------

A/N: let's leave him to his misery, shall we?

I saw a funny pic and was inspired. 'Nuff said. Originally, this was supposed to be a plot bunny about Sailor Sam, but then I found "Clockwork Is…", and it sort of mutated. Maybe I'll make a purely Sailor Sam fic in the future…

The titles are plot bunnies that are still embryonic…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	5. Tsubasa: Phantom Chronicle

A/N: blame **The Violent Tomboy**, who, incidentally, makes really good crack fics.

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Tsubasa: Phantom Chronicles.

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Tsubasa belongs to CLAMP, Danny Phantom and co. belongs to Butch Hartman. I don't own anything.

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_In the Kingdom of Clow…_

The cloaked figure trudged through the sand, navigating through the warren of streets before coming upon an unassuming home, no different from the others around it. Opening the door, the figure lay down it's burden on the table next to the door, putting it's gloves down next to it. Next to them was a picture frame.

"Hello father," the figure said, pulling the cloak off dark purple tresses. "I'm home."

In the picture, a heavyset man was holding an unidentifiable artifact while a smiling child peered over his shoulder.

"You were right," the figure said. "In this country the ruins you see are only the tip of larger structures buried in the sand. Just like you theorized, father. The unearthing of the eastern ruins is well underway…"

Abruptly, there was a loud banging at the door as someone made it known they wanted in. the figure paused, then hurried to the door.

"Yes?" the figure said, looking at the cloaked figure outside the door.

The look was a very short one, however, as the figure abruptly pounced, dropping their cloak to the ground.

"SAM!" the visitor cried, surprising the other with a sudden hug. Sam had time to let out a startled "WAA!" before they were suddenly on the ground.

"Welcome home!" the visitor chatted. "How was the dig at the ruins? Did anybody get hurt? You didn't get a fever, did you? Have you been eating properly?"

"Y-yes…" Sam managed to stutter, still surprised by the greeting. "It's all fine, your highness."

The visitor suddenly frowned so hard he was almost pouting. "I told you _not_ to call me that!"

"But… prince…" Sam stuttered.

The prince crossed his arms, in annoyance. "I told you to call me _Danny_!"

----------------------------------------

Sam watched after Prince Danny as he made his way back to the castle to answer the call of the bells. The citizens of the country recognized their beloved prince, greeting him cheerfully. One merchant offered him an apple. She smiled sadly, looking down at the picture of her and the only father she'd ever known. "These emotions I'm feeling… can never be. Right, father? We may have grown up together…

"… but he's still a prince."

----------------------------------------

The skies were dark as prince Danny crept through the palace's halls, looking in all directions in an attempt to be stealthy, wishing he could be invisible. No one was around. Perfec–

"YOU'VE BEEN SPOTTED… DA-NI-EL!" a voice suddenly snapped out, each syllable seeming to pierce into him and making him flinch.

Danny gave a sickly smile. "I… I'm home, Queen Jasmine."

Queen Jasmine sat on her throne, looking at her younger brother with disapproval. "Have you been with that hole-digging twerp again?"

The sickly smile became a red-faced glare. "SHE'S NOT A TWERP, AND HER NAME IS **SAM**!"

There was a chuckle off to the side. "Jasmine, don't be so mean," a dark-skinned man, carrying a scroll and his everpresentmagic-tablet, said.

Danny waved at him cheerfully. "High-Priest Tucker," he greeted, before glaring back at his sister, still lounging negligently on her throne. "SAM'S NOT A TWERP!"

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Sam stared out in horror at bodies and blood strewn everywhere, almost forgetting the form she carried in her arms. "_What happened?-!_"

"You're late, twerp," and Sam turned towards the voice. Queen Jasmine leaned against a stone wall, blood on her face, her formal clothes very mussed up. Her sword dripped with blood as she gave Sam a look. "You better not have let Danny get hurt."

Then the queen suddenly winced, collapsing to the ground.

"_YOU MAJESTY!_" High-Priest Tucker rushed to his liege's side and quickly examining her. "She was hit with the poisoned tip of an enemy arrow."

"Will she be all right?" Sam asked, concerned for the queen.

"I will never allow her to die," Tucker said. He looked at Sam, and his eyes widened. "The prince!"

He touched Sam's forehead. "I have read your memory. The prince's power has flown…"

Sam blinked. "His… power?"

"His ectoplasm… his _Phantom_," Tucker explained, brushing back the prince's hair. "The Phantom and prince's heart are one. All of the prince's memories from the moment of her birth to now have vanished. And… his heart is nowhere to be found on this world. Without his heart, his body is no more than an empty shell. He can't stay like this… or he'll…"

Sam's eyes widened, unconsciously holding Danny closer to herself, before narrowing in determination. "Is there something I can do for him? _Anything?-!_"

Tucker stood and began gathering his power. "There isn't a moment to lose. I will send you to see someone in another world."

"Who is this person?" Sam cried as light began to surround her and the unconscious form of Danny. "What should I do when we meet?"

"She is called the Ghost of Dimensions," Tucker called out as he continued the spell. "You will tell her everything, and you will beg her to help the prince!"

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_In the country of Amity…_

"AHH HA HA HA HA! WEAK! WEAK! YOU'RE ALL _WEAK_!"

A dark-skinned girl in red armor sneered down at the dead men on the roof before her, shouldering her enormous sword. "Heh. Pathetic! You pieces of crap are supposed to be _assassins_, aren't you? Can't you send anyone with _guts_ to fight me? _Come on!_"

_Once again you didn't do what I asked, did you…_ a voice suddenly drifted, not in the air but through her mind, _Valerie?_

Valerie straightened. "Princess?"

She leapt through the air, heading towards her liege. Jumping down from the roof, she landed some ways away from the princess. "Every impudent slob who tried to sneak into Casper Castle has been taken care of! How can you have a complaint about that?" the red-armored ninja asked, ignoring the way the ladies-in-waiting scurried about.

"I asked you to avoid unnecessary death," the princess said softly, her arms held calmly before her. "Weren't those my words?"

"One of the first rules for ninja is to cut down those who attack you, princess Paulina," Valerie said roughly.

Princess Paulina raised her hand to her cheeks in surprise. "I've never heard such a rule!"

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Valerie moaned, sticking a finger in her ear. "Can't you just shut up?"

"Valerie!" the blonde beside the princess chided, scandalized. "How can you be so rude to her highness?"

"No, don't bother, Star," Princess Paulina said, before sighing and raising a hand thoughtfully. "With such loyal, good ninja as Star, why are there also such ninja as you, Valerie?"

A shark-like grin. "Guess there have to be good ones and bad ones."

She turned to the princess. "Look, I want to be better than I am! I want to be the best! _That's_ why I fight! And if my enemy lives or dies in the process, it's not _my_ worry."

Princess Paulina smiled sadly. "True. There are none in the country of Amity who are stronger than you."

There was a snap as the princess's fingers cam together to form a seal. "So… we have no choice left."

Valerie blinked, looking at her suspiciously. "Eh?"

A burst of light erupted from the princess. "What's going on?"

Princess Paulina simpered. "In the old days, they always said that the bad ones must journey to get better."

"**_THEY NEVER SAID THAT!_**" Valerie protested.

Paulina continued like the ninja hadn't said anything. "So now I'll send you flying to another world."

"**_I DON'T WANT TO FLY!_**"

"You will meet a great many new people. It is there that you will learn the true meaning of strength. And, to that end…" she sniffed, tears leaking from her eyes. "Although it pains me greatly, I will see you off."

"**_YOU'RE NOT SEEING ME OFF, YOU'RE FORCING ME OFF!_**"

Snap. "Ah, I nearly forgot," the princess said as she made a symbol appear in the air. "You require one last use of my arts."

The seal leapt forward, marking Valerie's brow.

"**_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!_**"

"A curse," the princess said mildly. "From this moment on, unnecessary death will be forbidden to you. For each person you kill, your strength and skill will lessen. I suggest you take care."

"**_CUT THIS OUT, PAULINA!_**"

"Farewell," the princess said, simpering again. "And if fate allows it, we'll meet again."

"How dare you address her highness that way?-!" Star chided.

"Please be well on your journey, Valerie!" Paulina called out. Valerie was nearly gone.

"**_I'LL BE BACK, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!_**" Valerie cried one final time, shaking Soul Shredder at her. Then there was a plop, and she was gone.

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_The country of Wisconsu…_

The silver-haired man rose from the water, pulling himself out of the pool. A beautiful, red-haired girl hovered, almost hesitantly, as he slipped his coat over his tattooed back.

"Did you sleep? My king?"

"Yes," the man said softly, letting the water drip out of his hair, flipping his pony-tail off his neck. "This is the only way I can."

"What will you do now…" the red-haired girl asked. "…Vlad?"

Vlad smiled sadly. Leaning on the rim of the pool, he looked up. "I can't stay in this country any longer. Maybe… not even this world… huh?"

"World?" the girl asked as she leaned against Vlad, who gently stroked her hair.

A beatific smile. "I mean this dimension."

"I still don't understand," the girl said as Vlad patted her head.

Vald smiled, pulling her close in a one-armed hug as he kissed her forehead. "For _you_, Maddie… that's all right."

Blink. "Whoops. I'm almost out of time."

"Hmm?" Maddie said as she floated in the air.

"I have to be on my way," Vlad said as he pulled on his fur-trimmed overcoat.

"To where?" Maddie asked.

"Very far away," Vlad said as he looked into the water. "As far away as I can get. Some place with no King of Dairy."

"But I have a favor to ask of you, Maddie," Vlad said as he summoned his staff with his magic.

"What is it?" Maddie asked as she circled him.

"I want you to tell me if the king awakens. So I wonder if it's all right to change you a little."

"It's just fine," Maddie said, leaning forward and smiling down on Vlad as she put her hands on his shoulders. "After all, Vlad _made_ Maddie!"

Vlad's staff glowed, and Maddie's form began to melt, stretching like taffy until she made a sort off net over the pool, looking nothing like the beautiful girl she had before. Vlad stroked one of the struts of the web sadly, before looking into the water one last time, at the king sleeping in it's depths. "At least… while you're asleep, have _good_ dreams…"

"All right!" Vlad said, smiling as his wand finished the last rune. "Time to go to see the Ghost!"

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Sam stared in shock at the man and the woman who'd just appeared out of nowhere.

"Are you the Ghost of Dimension?" the man said, at the same time the woman growled, "Who the hell are you?"

The two blinked as they seemed to notice each other.

"Please give me your names first," the oddly-colored Ghost said.

"Me? I'm Valerie," the woman said, frowning up into the rain as she shouldered her sword. "What are these weird buildings all around? I mean, what _is_ this place?"

"It's called Amity," the Ghost said.

"Eh? My country's call Amity too."

"Yes. A different Amity."

"I'm not getting any of this."

The Ghost turned to the other arrival.

"And you?"

He gave a formal bow, ignoring the rain– easy to do with that hood on his coat. "The Wizard of Wisconsu. Vlad P. Vlasters."

"Do you know where you are?" she asked.

"Yes…" he said. "A place where any wish can be granted is a suitable price is paid."

"That's exactly it."

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**- To be continued...**

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A/N: And so begins the adventures of SuperKickingArchaeologist!Sam, LoopyAirheadWizard!Vlad, PsychoticCursedKillerNinja!Valerie, and AmnesiacPrince!Danny

Somehow, Vlad as Fay/Fai just _fits_! I mean, they're both fruitloops, in their own way…

Sam as Syaoran fits too. She's always taking care of Danny, has a case of the unrequiteds…

I just liked the idea of Paulina as a _nice_ princess…

As for Danny, well, you can't be hero all the time!

And also, at least _one_ Vlad out there must be nice enough to deserve a Maddie. It's not like Jack's around to miss her…

Just a little note, the prized sword Valerie had to give up was Soul Shredder. I know it's Fright Knight's, but it's the only cool sword in DP, so sue me!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	6. Edward Nigma, King of Games!

A/N: I've been reading **Chris Dee**. Love her Catwoman!

Suguroku, instead of giving the Millennium Puzzle to Yugi, sends it on the museum circuit, where it eventually reaches Gotham. And who loves puzzles in Gotham…?

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Edward Nigma, King of Games!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Edward Nigma, a.k.a. the Riddler, beamed down a touch gloatingly at his prize. It was a rare thing for him to be able to pull off the successful theft of a great prize, and he was savoring it. Granted, Batman would get to him eventually, but right now, it was his!

Reverently picking up a golden piece, he eyed it a moment before he started putting the pieces of his loot together…

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Three days later, Nigma was somewhere between annoyed and pleased. Seldom had a puzzle presented a challenge as this! No wonder the Millennium Puzzle had never been solved. However, he was almost finished with it. He'd slipped a chain through the hole in one of the pieces, planning to wear his prize when he was done…

As he slipped the last piece into place, there was a sudden burst of golden light, and then he seemed to black out…

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About a year later, Nigma's reputation as the Riddler was completely shot. That's what happens when you're regularly possessed by a 3,000 year-old spirit with a thing for justice. When the Batman keeps foiling your crimes, it's something you mope about over at the Iceberg Lounge. When _your own split personality_ starts foiling your own crimes and getting yourself arrested, that's something you voluntarily check yourself into Arkham for.

For some reason, the guy who'd owned the Millennium Puzzle hadn't pressed charges, and had even _given_ the thing to Nigma. His pride kept him from taking it off. That was how the Gamer (King of Games, Summoner of Darkness) began to stick around.

Unlike him, his split personality had a thing about _games_. These games, however, had a very flexible definition: a set of rules where someone won and someone lost. This was not including the thing about justice.

After a month, no one was taking him seriously, since he was basically self-foiling. The Riddler would drop off a clue, and a couple of hours later the Gamer would call in to be arrested. Two-face tried to kill him multiple times for being a disgrace to split-personalities everywhere.

It took a while for him to realize, but he eventually caught on that maybe this wasn't a case of schizophrenia. This was right in the middle of a "Dark Game" against a white-haired psycho that would make the Joker proud– or Jealous– when he realized _he_ was a Card Monster and the Gamer– in goth-y leather that had slowly been finding itself under his outfits– facing off against said psycho.

Spirits trapped in Millennium Items explained a lot.

As for why he was in a Dark Game, it was because things had gotten so bad he'd actually decided to try to win honest money. Incidentally, he now has a controlling interest in Industrial Illusions. Needless to say, Bruce Wayne was pissed.

Then there was the time he joined that Battle City tournament because Gamer had ranted at him to get the God Cards… and the time he helped stop an insane AI from stealing bodies… and actually _winning_, not stealing, the God Cards.

The final straw, however, was when he had to save the world with an emo CEO and the kid he met at Duelist Kingdom– he sympathized with Bakura, he really did– at the behest of a scantily clad Duel Monster magical girl because Batman and the Justice League wouldn't believe him when he told them that a 10,000 year old Atlantian mage-king was using a world-wide conspiracy to steal souls so he could revive a monster that had sank Atlantis and nearly destroyed the world.

Being able to rub the truth in the Bat's and League's faces when they finally did show up in time to see the God Cards destroying the Leviathan wasn't nearly satisfying enough. Especially when Superman asked if he wanted to join the League.

Gamer said yes. Riddler screamed **_NO! HE'D KILL HIMSELF FIRST!_**

Stupid nameless pharaoh…

Was it any wonder his rep was shot? The dead guy had to go!

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Pegasus, Bakura, the Kaiba brothers, and the Ishtars watched Atem and Edward Nigma, the Gamer and the Riddler, fought in the ceremonial duel. It… wasn't going so well.

"Fall over and die, damn you!" Nigma cried in frustration, on his last hundred points. He was close, so close…!

Atem wagged a finger. "Sorry Eddie, but _someone_ has to keep you in line. I can always pass on later." With that, heplayed his card.

"**_NO!!!_**" Nigma howled as his life points went 'bye-bye'…

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_Um, Batman,_ Oracle said hesitantly, _the Gamer's on the line. He's saying he wants to work for you. And that Riddler placed a hit with Calculator to have himself killed._

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– **END!!!**

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A/N: Just a random idea…

Who's scarier, Yami Bakura or Joker?

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	7. Card Captor Danny

A/N: Because the idea stuck in my head after '**_Tsubasa: Phantom Chronicles_**'

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'Card Captor Danny!' or 'DP is so CLAMP-able!'

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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In the basement of a little house, a dark-haired boy held a card in his hand, while a book lay in the other. T was a red book, looking a lot like a diary. Gold trim surrounded the word 'The Masters'.

"'The Windy'?" the boy said, looking at the card.

The whirlwind that occurred was totally his fault.

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"I am the great Cujoberos!" the strange green, vaguely puppy-like, vaguely teddy-bear-ish winged plushie-thingie said. "And I choose you to be the Card Captor!"

Danny blinked. "Huh!"

"It will be your duty to recapture the Masters Cards, created by the great sorcerer, Masters Plasmuis…"

The fact someone was able to mess with the Cards, however, was definitely Cujo's fault.

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"Hey, wake up monster," Jazz said as she dragged her brother out of bed.

"I am not a monster!" Danny yelled as Cujo pretended to be a cute little stuffed toy…

"Hey Danny!" Jazz's best friend greeted, a friendly smile on his face, PDA in hand.

"Hey Tucker!"

No crushes here, people…

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Danny stared at the footage of him flying through the air.

"Care to explain, Danny?" his best friend said.

Danny laughed nervously. "Well, it's like this, Val…"

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"Hey, did you know that badminton was used by the ancient Romans as a way to pit slaves against each other in the Coloseum–" Dash got no further as Paulina started strangling him.

"Dash!" Paulina cried in exasperation.

"Lovebirds," Kwan snickered before pushing his glasses higher up his nose and went back to his fantasy novel as Star ignored the two, content to sigh at their hunky homeroom teacher, Mr. Lancer.

"Wow, I didn't know the Romans played badminton," Danny said, believing everything Dash had said.

Valerie giggled as she continued to video-tape the gullible look on Danny's face.

Obsessive and stalker-ish much?

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"I am Samantha Manson, descendant of Master's Plasmius," the goth said as she faced Danny. "Hand over the Masters Cards and no one gets hurt!"

"Hey!" Jazz called out as she magically appeared at Danny's side, glaring at the other girl. "Leave my little brother alone, twerp!"

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Danny watched in amazement as the girl, her blue hair held up in a pony-tail, that Sam's butler Bertrand had let in proceeded to glomp and all but molest a suddenly flustered Sam.

"Hey lover-cuz," the girl breathed into Sam's ear. "Did you miss me?"

"Ember!" Sam cried. "Do you mind? We have a guest!"

Ember looked at Danny and frowned. "Why are you wearing that shirt?" she demanded.

Why Sam's family and Sam herself would allow her to be engaged to marry her cousin Ember is something better left well alone…

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"Good day, class," the beautiful red-head said, smiling at the class. "My name is Penelope Spectra, and I will be your new teacher…"

"Jasmine," the red-headed teacher greeted the red-headed girl, a small smile playing on her face. "It's been a long time…"

"Penelope," Jazz answered, inclining her head. Her shoulders shifted slightly in remembrance.

Penelope and Jasmine, teacher and student in a forbidden, torrid, illicit affair. I want to dwell on this, I really do, but…

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"Congratulations, Danny," Cujoberos said, his body less plushie-like and more of a huge green winged beast. "You have successfully captured the last Card. It is now time for the Final Judgement."

Danny and Sam watched as Tucker suddenly manifested two huge wings on his back. The wings enfolded him like a cacoon, and there was a burst of light…

When the wings parted, Tucker was gone. A tall being stood in his place, with long pale hair, a cold demeanor, floor-length clothes and hard eyes.

"Who…" Danny sputtered as the being turned towards them.

"I am Technus, the Judge, Moon Guardian of Masters Plasmius!"

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**- To be continued...**

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A/N: I'll stop right here. I don't think I can do the second half of the anime…

For the second half, a young Vlad Masters is the reincarnation of Master's Plasmius, with Kitty and Shadow as his Guardians. Dorathea is the Void/Nothing Card, since it needs to be someone really powerful and pathetic. I have ideas for the new forms for some of the Cards, such as PoisonIvy!Sam as Flower and Queen!Sam as Wood…

I personally like the Tsubasa chap better…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	8. It Was Bound To Happen Some Time

A/N: Because the similarities are **_SO CLOSE…!_**

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It Was Bound To Happen Some Time And Probably Already Has…

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I highly resent DC. One Year Later RUINED Cassandra! **_BRING HER BACK, DARN YOU! THIS LEAGUE OF ASSASINS COOKIE BETTER BE SHIVA IN DISGUISE OR ELSE!_**

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Kaiba Seto was intimately familiar with danger. That tends to happen when _someone_ tried to take over your company at least once a year, more often than not in a manner that usually involves Duel Monsters in some way, shape or form, and just as often followed by an annoying dwarf with gravity-defying hair and a tendency to wax poetic on friendship during card games and cause normally short games to last half an hour…

Ahem.

Anyway, Seto and Mokuba were intimately familiar with danger for reasons best left avoided so as to prevent a rant. Something as simple as crashing off a bridge because of a non-premeditated oil-slick was pretty new to them, however…

They were almost expecting the rescue, though, although neither of them– Seto, anyway– would admit it. However, usually the rescuer was said dwarf who shall remain nameless (oh, the irony!) to prevent a rant or said dwarf's companions, not some farm boy…

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_Many Years Later…_

Seto Kaiba, now many years older, didn't turn around as he felt someone– several someones, actually– suddenly standing behind him. That was quite a feat, since behind him was the obligatory 'billionaire's-badass-viewing-window'. "I've been meaning to ask you Clark, _why_ do you feel the need to wear your underwear on the outside?"

There was an almost tangible pause at those words, and Seto allowed himself a moment to smirk. Closing his laptop, he turn his chair around, letting him drink in the view of the slack-jawed Justice League.

Eat your heart out, Luthor.

Seto stood as the League continued to stare. Finally…

"H-how…" Superman managed to stutter out.

A Smirk. After years of use, it was now a deadly weapon on the order of a Green Lantern Ring. "It's hard to forget a farmboy that survives getting hit at 80 kilometers per hour, through a bridge rail and into the water. What, you actually _believed_ I'd lost my short term memory?"

The door opened suddenly, and a younger man with long hair walked in. "Oni-sama, are you done ye– oh, hi Clark. Hey, I've been meaning to ask, why _do_ you wear your underwear on the outside?"

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_When a magic-related incident happens…_

"Clark, there is no such thing as magic," Seto said a tad impatiently. "It's all merely highly advanced technology combined with cheap theatrics, perhaps combined with metahuman or extraterrestrial abilities. You of all people should be reasonable enough to get that."

Batman decided that, as annoying as Bruce Wayne found Kaiba, Batman really liked him. He had sense!

Superman, meanwhile, stared at hi childhood friend. "Seto, there is an _Exodia Necros _tearing through Domino!"

Yugi, who'd met Clark when he was younger and still had Atem around, nodded. "Seto, it's obviously the result of a Dark G–"

"If the next word out of your mouth is 'game', I'm throwing you out the window."

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_There are, of course, exceptions…_

"Is he trying to kiss that thing?" Flash whispered to Mokuba as Seto seemed to lean towards the Duel Monster who'd turned the Necros to toast.

"I…I'm not going to comment on that," Mokuba said, twitching slightly as the three heads of the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon surrounded Seto. There were some things you just didn't want to think about when it came to your brothers.

Clark smirked. And he'd made comments about the red briefs. Dracophile.

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_On romance…_

"No, there is no truth to the rumors that Seto and I used to be an item," Clark testily told Oracle as he ignored the snickers of the rest of the League, concentrating on the retired librarian who'd pulled up a number of old and embarrassing tabloid articles from his youth.

"_Not even a little?_" Oracle said, her holographic head smirking.

Clark looked her right in the eye. "There is a _reason_ that man's never had a girlfriend _or_ boyfriend in his life. Why do you think he collects so many Blue Eyes White Dragon stuff?"

There was a pause.

"_That is sick_," Oracle said.

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_And the random connections…_

"Seto! Good to see you alive again!" Hakwman said.

The billionaire looked at him. "Do I know you?"

"Oh, come on, it's me! Remember? We used to duel each other in Ancient Egypt! I took over as Pharaoh when you died!"

Hawkman was lucky he had wings. Seto had been _dying_ to use the 'throw out anyone who mentions Ancient Egypt, Dark Games and Kisara' window he'd had specially built. Pity it wasn't Yugi or the mutt…

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_On the matter of kryptonite…_

"Hey, oni-chan, doesn't this remind you of those Orichalcos rocks?"

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_And finally, how Seto saves the world…_

Jounouchi glared at the CEO. "IT DOESN'T COUNT AS SAVING THE WORLD TO HAVE YOUR DRAGON GIRLFRIEND DO IT FOR YOU!"

"You're just annoyed the Red-Eyes is a guy," Seto smirked.

Lois, meanwhile, was getting reacquainted with her Kaa. Who knew she was Mana reincarnated? She certainly didn't act anything like it. Then again, neither did Seto…

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**- To be continued...? Probably not…**

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A/N: It's probably _has_ been done.

Yu-Gi-Oh, Smallville. Lex, Seto. Simple.

In the Yugi-verse, no reincarnation acts like their predecessor. The same can't always be said for the DC-verse.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	9. Ranma Gets Beaten!

A/N: because not enough fics feature him getting beaten. Requires a passing knowledge of (_ahem_)_ **La Blue Girl**_ for this to make sense…

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Ranma Gets Beaten!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Oh please, this is practically universal!

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"You're challenging me?" Ranma said incredulously, staring at the girl in the school uniform with the absurdly short skirt. All around the, the usual suspects watched this latest development (unless otherwise specified).

"Yes," the girl said. "The Anything Goes School had an agreement with my clan that stipulates this. Practitioners of Anything Goes must battle us."

"Hey, what about me?" Akane protested. "I follow Anything Goes too!"

"Don't worry, you're next," the girl said. Akane looked surprised at this, but pleased that someone was finally putting her in the same rank as Ranma.

As Ranma and the girl got into position and Akane waited for her turn, cologne tried to place what clan the girl might be from. The fathers were strangely absent, so they couldn't tell…

"By the way," Ranma said. "I didn't get your name."

The girl smiled. "I am Mido Miko of the Miroku Ninja Clan."

Cologne's eyes bulged as Shampoo gasped. "Son-in-law, **_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!_**" she cried, too late, for the two had already begun…

Ranma was soon 'defeated', followed quickly by Akane. Neither really minded… much.

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_Some time later…_

"Mido Miko!" Ranma cried as he arrived at the school his enemy was attending. "I challenge you to a rematch!"

Miko smiled at him from across the field. "You again. Haven't you had enough already? Really, this kink of yours of trying to beat my Miroku techniques makes me think you might have satyriasis."

Ranma blushed, but pushed on. "Well, it's different now. I have a way to defeat your Miroku techniques! So bring it on!"

Miko shrugged and charged while Ranma pulled out a bottle of cold water…

Let's just say this didn't work either…

Akane never said the word 'pervert' again…

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**- END!**

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A/N: No comment…

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**OMAKE!**

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Ranma and Akane panted as they, uh,,, _trained_ to be able to beat Miko'.

"Hold it– uh– IN– Akane…" Ranma gasped out. "We can– UH!– beat her at her own– **_OH_**– techniques…"

"Yeah… **_OH KAMI!_**" Akane moaned. "We'll show her– uh, harder Ranma!– why Anything Goes is unbeatabbbbBBBBBBLLLLEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

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**END!**

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Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	10. Card Captor Sasuke

A/N: A crazy little something I whipped together as I was thinking of other 'Card Captor' titles. Enjoy!

BTW, there's a joke you won't get unless you read 'Card Captor Harry'.

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Card Captor Sasuke

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS or Naruto, and by extension, Sasuke. If I did, Sasuke, Ino and Sakura would be a threesome, Naruto would notice Hinata, and Sas wouldn't go missing nin.

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Uchiha Sasuke stared at the little yellow-orange _thing_ in front of him. If he didn't know better, he would have thought this was one of the _dobe_'s pranks. A set-up like this to embarrass or make a fool out of him was exactly that idiot's style. However, he happened to know for a fact that the blond pain-of-his-existence-second-only-to-Itachi was currently in the hospital, recovering from a comment he had made about Sakura's… something. And he'd _Sharingan_-ed the thing, definitely not a _henge_, so he really didn't have much of a choice but to take the situation at face value.

"So," he said, crossing his arms, "you need _my_ help to get these… _Clow Cards_ back. Because if I don't, they'll wreak havoc and possibly destroy Konoha and maybe even the world, so that the legendary Kyuubi's attack would look like a little temper tantrum."

The creature, who said its name was Keroberos, nodded. "Exactly. The only hope would be the Card Captor putting the Cards back where they belong. And that guy is _you_."

"What do _I_ get out of it?" Sasuke asked, face blank.

Kero blinked, scratching his head. "Um, well, if you catch the Clow Cards, you can use their power."

His eyebrow rose. Power? He was so there! "I'm in."

Itachi was in _sooo_ much trouble…

Still, Sasuke made a mental note to _never, ever_, buy from that used books store again.

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"Have you noticed anything weird about Sasuke lately?" Naruto whispered to Sakura as they weeded a garden together, interrupting the kunoichi's muttering on the unfairness of a world that would make her play around in dirt while the love-of-her-life-and-ultimate-soul-mate was kept busy fixing a garage door, AWAY FROM HER!

Sakura gave the 'future Hokage' a look. "This isn't one of your crazy stories to trash Sasuke-kun by saying he still plays with dolls, is it?"

"I definitely saw him playing with a plushy, okay! Heck, he was even talking to it, for crying out loud!"

Sakura sniffed, pulling up a bundle of weeds with slightly more force than necessary. Damn Naruto and his lies about her Sasuke-kun! "What do you have _now_?"

"I'm pretty sure I saw him making out with a girl behind the Academy's swimming pool changing room."

Sakura froze, and Naruto for one brief moment thought that maybe this little bit of information would finally make her realize that Sasuke wasn't the guy for her, and that _that_ guy was someone closer to home, maybe with cute blond hair…

That fantasy died a quick death as Sakura looked up, flames in her eyes. "DON'T YOU **EVER** MAKE UP THINGS LIKE THAT ABOUT SASUKE AGAIN, OR I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE, GET IT!"

Kakashi ignored the sounds of impending violence as Naruto began backing away from a seriously PO-ed genin girl. Glancing out of the corner his eye to his left, he could just make out Sasuke halfway through repairing the broken garage door, being assisted by what looked like a Kage Bunshin. He supposed the boy had picked up Naruto's favorite technique somewhere along the line, and was using it to make his work easier.

The perverted jounin went back to his equally perverted book, which was about a sexually liberated ninja and his journey to become Hokage, accompanied by his genin teammates, a bisexual kunoichi and a nymphomanic bishounen, along with their gay jounin sensei. That Jiraiya was sick! Bless the man.

He didn't notice Sasuke's 'bunshin' give him a passionate French kiss before dissolving into a card…

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Chuunin Exam, in the Forest of Death…

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Orochimaru laughed evilly (is there any other way a villain _could_ laugh?) as his prey struggle beneath him. Uchiha Sasuke was right in front of him. Soon, the power of the Sharingan would be hiss! Looking down at them, he laughed again. Aww, how cute. Sasuke was reaching for a pendant around his neck. So saccharine, for him to think about his girlfriend at a time like this.

The snake-boy drag-queen paused for a second. Didn't his info say the Uchiha kid was single?

Sasuke began to mutter under his breath. "Copy Wheel Key…"

Orochimaru began to lean down to listen to what he was saying, when suddenly huge waves of chakra began emanating from the boy. Such power! His informants hadn't told him about this. He made a mental note to kill them all when he got back to Otagakure.

"RELEASE!" Sasuke yelled.

The _jutsu_ the Sannin had used on him and his friend broke as the pendant Sasuke had been holding in his hand changed shape, becoming a red wand topped with a red disk inscribed with the designed of a Sharingan. Okay, this was getting weird, even by ninja standards.

"POWER CARD!"

Yup, definitely weird.

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Sakura watched in amazement as Sasuke began to fight against Orochimaru one on one. She wasn't stupid, she'd heard enough descriptions of their villages most legendary class-S criminal to realize this was the guy.

Something rustled the bushes behind her. She half-turned, afraid it was another enemy. Her eyes widened at the person she saw. "You…?"

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**The Yaoi option:**

Sakura's jaw dropped as she saw Kakashi seemingly materialize out of the darkness of the forest. "Kakashi-sensei…?"

Kakashi ignored her, however. "Master Sasuke!"

"Yue?" Sasuke yelled, not taking his eyes off his opponent. Even with The Dash Card, The Power Card, The Shield Card _and_ the Sharingan, he still had to be careful.

"Kakashi-sensei…?" Sakura repeated uncertainly. She _did not_ just here Kakashi call Sasuke _Master_, did she?

"Later, Sakura," Kakashi said, waving her off.

Sakura was struck speechless as large white wings erupted from Kakashi's back, shielding him from view. When the wings parted again, a tall man wearing white robes, with floor-length white hair stood in his place. A Sharingan shone prominently in his left eye.

Sakura blinked. Wha…?

She watched as the two began to beat the snot out of the snake sannin. Shakily, she rose, walking towards them as they finally stopped moving, standing over Orochimaru's dead body. Before she could say anything, however…

"Oh, Master Sasuke, are you alright?" Yue said, taking Sasuke into his arms.

Sasuke laid his head against the taller being's chest. "I'm fine, Yue-kun. The Hearts of the Cards were with me."

"Master Sasuke, I was so worried…" Yue started to say, but shut up when Sasuke placed a finger on his lips.

"Shut up and kiss me," the Uchiha said.

Sakura fainted as Yue did exactly that…

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**The Straight option:**

Sakura's jaw dropped as she saw Ino seemingly materialize out of the darkness of the forest. "Ino-pig…?"

Ino ignored her, however. "Master Sasuke!"

Sakura raised an eyebrow. Master? Since when did Ino-pig call Sasuke 'Master'?

"Yue?" Sasuke yelled, not taking his eyes off his opponent. Even with The Dash Card, The Power Card, The Shield Card _and_ the Sharingan, he still had to be careful.

"What the heck are _you_ doing here, Ino-pig?" Sakura demanded.

"Later, Sakura," Ino said, waving her off.

Sakura was struck speechless as large white wings erupted from Ino's back, shielding her from view. When the wings parted again, a tall woman wearing white robes, with floor-length white hair stood in her place.

Sakura blinked. Wha…?

She watched as the two began to beat the snot out of the snake sannin. Shakily, she rose, walking towards them as they finally stopped moving, standing over Orochimaru's dead body. Before she could say anything, however…

"Oh, Master Sasuke, are you alright?" Yue said, taking Sasuke into her arms.

Sasuke laid his head against the taller being's chest. "I'm fine, Yue-koi. The Hearts of the Cards were with me."

"Master Sasuke, I was so worried…" Yue started to say, but shut up when Sasuke placed a finger on her lips.

"Shut up and kiss me," the Uchiha said.

Sakura screamed as Yue did exactly that…

With a growl, Ino/Yue broke off the kiss. "Do you mind? We're trying to have a romantic moment here!"

Sasuke directed an equally annoyed look at the pink-haired kunoichi. "Screw this exam. Let's fly back to my place, Ino."

"Yes, Master," Yue said in a sultry voice. "Do you want me to rub baby oil on you this time before we start?"

"Nah," Sasuke said as Yue/Ino lifted them up and through the tree cover. "I feel like taking a bath. You with me?"

"Hey!" Sakura yelled. "You're not going to _leave _me here, are you?"

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**The WTF! option:**

Sakura's jaw dropped as she saw a leaf-nin seemingly materialize out of the darkness of the forest. "Who…?"

The leaf-nin ignored her, however. "Master Sasuke!"

"Kabuto?"

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**The Yaoi option 2:**

Sakura's jaw dropped as she saw Naruto seemingly materialize out of the darkness of the forest. "Naruto-kun…?"

Naruto ignored her, however. "Master Sasuke!"

Sakura face-faulted. Since _when_ did Naruto call Sasuke 'Master'?

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**But what really happens is:**

Sakura's jaw dropped as she saw Anko seemingly materialize out of the darkness of the forest. "Anko-san…?"

Anko ignored her, however. "Master Sasuke!"

You can just tell where this is going…

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**- To be continued... NOT! DEFINITELY THE END!**

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A/N: This is a one-shot. I will absolutely not continue. If any of you wanna use the concept for your own fic, that's fine by me! Just inform me so I can read it.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	11. Naruto The Everywhere Man

A/N: a stupid idea implanted by an episode of 'The Batman'.

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"Naruto The Everywhere Man!" or "The Most !$&&(( Obvious Superhero in History!!!"

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please don't sue me.

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"Stop! Thief!" someone cried.

A said thief was running away as fast as his feet could carry him, holding the purse in his arms tightly.

Why anyone would be stupid enough to try random street theft in Konoha, we will never know. The guy was probably from out of town… or possibly even from another dimension.

As bored ninja roused themselves to deal with the excitement (not everyone get missions, and certainly not every day), a figure suddenly dropped down dramatically from the top of a tall building (if you define a tall building as 'a structure an inch taller than you'), and landed in front of the running thief. The idiot (the thief, not the guy who'd dropped down from the ramen stand), compounded his stupidity but abruptly stopping instead of going around the guy and pulling out a teensy tiny pocket knife. Compared to the stuff shinobi carried, this was _literally_ a toothpick.

The figure raised his hand dramatically at the thief. "Halt evil-doer! You shall not ply your trade within my beloved Konoha! For I am… The EVERYWHERE MAN and in the name of the leaf, I will stop you, dattebayo!!!!"

The figure was wearing skin-tight spandex, showing off a not-really-all-that-remarkable build (it had a bit of a stomach), and doing absolutely nothing for the fact he was very short. The facemask had no eyeholes, but that was all right, since it was apparently made from women's stockings. There was a letter 'E' on his face, and a leaf swirl on his stomach. A white stripe ran vertically across his face and down his chest to his crotch.

All this, however, was secondary to the fact the _rest_ of his outfit was in screaming, mind-numbing, seizure inducing…

…orange.

Let us forego the usual pastiche lines of the thief making stupid comments along the lines of "who are you?" and go straight to the fight scene, shall we? The thief thrust out his little toothpick, while Nar– er, the Everywhere Man suddenly stopped back in fear of the little prick. He made a seal in before him as the thief, in the spirit of narrative causality, polite waited for him to do his schnicht.

"_Kage bunshin no_– er, _Super Quantum Powers of Splitting!_"

There was a poof and suddenly there was ten of Everywhere Man around the thief.

The thief, being an idiot, of course resisted and was subsequently humiliated.

Finally, with the thief lying butt-up on the ground with swirly-eyes, Everywhere Man thrust his fist into the air. "Once more Justice prevails! I, the Everywhere Man, shall always be watching, _dattebayo!_"

With that, the fashion disaster that was Everywhere Man took off!

…

That is to say, he ran into an alley and everyone pretended not to see him go.

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"That Naruto," Ayame said, shaking her head sadly. "What an idiot."

All the other customers agreed as they watched the thief being carried off by some ninja who had nothing better to do with their time.

Said idiot suddenly came out of the outdoor urinal Teuchi had installed after Naruto had made one embarrassing exit too many, the one with the specially hinged roof that allowed easy exits (never let it be said he didn't care about his number 1 customer). "Boy, that sure took a while. What did I miss Ayame-nechan?" he asked a teapot as he felt his way back to his cooling bowl of ramen. For some stupid reason, Naruto had taken to wearing very thick glasses and combing back his hair. Since his hair was naturally spiky, this didn't do a damned thing, and the glasses were so thick, he was practically blind.

"Oh, it was wonderful Naruto-kun," Ayame said, rolling her eyes since she knew the blond wouldn't see it. Around her, the other customers were trying not to laugh. "The Everywhere Man came and stopped this stupid thief!"

"Wow! Really? What a shame I was in the urinal at the time and could see it, _dattebayo,_" Naruto said, managing to mix innocent and smug at the same time.

Everyone rolled their eyes. Teuchi bit down on a towel to keep from laughing out loud.

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"Hokage-sama, we have another report of Naruto playing at being a mysterious superhero again," Touya, Sarutobi's long-suffering secretary said as he handed the report in to the Hokage.

The old man shook his head in exasperation. "Six months and he still doesn't get he's as obvious as the monument?"

"Apparently not, Hokage-sama" Touya said. "He seems to think that a non-existent comb over and thick glasses are enough to conceal his identity. Well, that and thinking that 'Naruto would be so obvious as to wear orange as a superhero, so it's probably not Naruto' kind of thinking."

The Hokage shook his head. The sad thing was Naruto was _still_ the best candidate for Hokage. What did _that_ say about the village? "Honestly, who but Naruto would be stupid enough to fall for that?"

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"Naruto-kun or Everywhere Man-sama? Naruto-kun or Everywhere Man-sama? Naruto-kun or Everywhere Man-sama?" Hyuuga Hinata agonized, looking between the two pictures of her crushes, before tearing her hair out. "_OH, I CANNOT CHOOSE! I MUST HAVE THEM BOTH! OH, IF ONLY NARUTO-KUN AND EVERYWHERE MAN-SAMA WERE THE SAME PERSON!!!_"

Outside her door, Hiashi, Hanabi , Neji and several random servants all face-faulted. _She's kidding, right?_

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_Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the village…_

Uchiha Sasuke walked angsty-ly down the streets of the abandoned Uchiha district, thinking of Everywhere Man. "He is right," he said out loud, which is pretty disturbing since there was no one around to listen. "We must take justice into our own hands if we want anything to happen. I, too, shall become a warrior for justice! But who should I become?"

At that moment, he tripped on a _Savage Garden_ CD case and fell face-first into a poster for _My Chemical Romance._

"Yes!!!" Sasuke declared as he got up. 'This is a sign!"

_Much later, during a dramatic scene where the moon is outlining a figure standing atop the heads of the Hokages…_

"Beware, Itachi!" a figure wearing black leather pants, spiky belts, chains, lots of eye shadow, and dyed hair declared. "For now you face the wrath of…

"_**EMO BOY!**_"

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"Oh, crap," The Hokage said as he looked out his window and saw Sasuke wearing a leather fetishists wet dream. "Not him too! Can't he just cut his wrists and write poetry like a normal person?"

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"He is right," Sakura said out loud (you already know why this is disturbing) as she finished the finishing touches on her outfit. "We must take justice into our own hands if we want anything to happen. I, too, shall become a warrior for love! Now, on this momentous night, I shall become…"

_Cue scene shift…_

A figure stood in the midst of a rain of cherry blossoms specially stolen from the Yamanaka's. the figure is wearing white shorts, a tight blue shirt, and has black hair. On her back is the Uchiha crest.

"_**FAN GIRL!**_"

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"Kakashi," the Hokage said as he faced the jounin, "what have you been teaching your students?"

"I am not Kakashi," the silver-haired man said solemnly. "I am…"

Sarutobi just tuned him out and gave up.

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**- To be continued...?**

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Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	12. A Little Town…

A/N: Dresden-files book-verse, which is infinitely superior to the TV series. How do I know? The books are still ongoing. The show isn't. Do the math…

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A Little Town Where Wizards Weren't Allowed…

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Harry Dresden of the Dresden Files Belongs to Jim Butcher, one of the greatest writers of this generation. Eureka belongs to the Sci Fi channel and maybe other people. I don't own them.

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Harry Dresden knew there were places that he, as a Wizard, couldn't safely go to for more than, say, five minutes at a time. Heck, sometimes it was fifteen seconds. To that end he avoided the ICU of hospitals, stock exchanges, telephone switchboards, those new-fangled gas-stations where you pay on the machine by credit card, and anything with electrical connections smaller than an appliance power cord and more complicated than a flashlight. He'd been banned from museums, datacenters and whichever room his friends kept their computers and tape-decks in.

This was the first time he'd ever been banned from a whole town, though.

He'd been on the way back from a job and had gotten a little lost on the way back. One wrong turn led to another and, well… Eureka.

He took it as lucky when the first traffic light he passed blew up instantly. When _every other _traffic light in sight blew up in a shower of sparks, he took that as a bad sign. When a teeny one-person helicopter fell out of the sky, he knew he was in trouble…

For a seemingly civilized town, it was disturbing how quickly their thoughts had gone to 'witch-hunt'. And him without a single one of his pamphlets. He'd been lucky the sheriff had gotten him out of there in time. He'd been taken to the city limits, and they used one of those little metal detector things to see if he'd had anything on him. Apparently there was a big company that did a lot of hush-hush stuff in the town. After the third one had broken, the words 'Cavity Search' had been uttered.

It had not been pretty.

Satisfied that he hadn't stolen anything, the sheriff agreed to let him go, with a stern warning never to go near the place again. That was fine by Dresden. He didn't want to be anywhere near that nut-colony.

He nearly killed Ramirez for not telling him about 'that fun little town'. Apparently, everyone in the frickin' Accords not to go anywhere near the place.

For the first time in his life, Harry Dresden briefly considered getting Lasciel's coin back from Father Forthill, accepting the title of Winter Knight, and going on a rampage…

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**- To be continued...**

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A/N: a few brief thoughts. I'm currently in a 'Eureka' mood…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


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